The Four Conversations Rule
How to be an Honnête Homme in 2023.
At the beginning of the calendar year, it is customary to formulate wishes for the months to come. Leaders are expected to provide clarity to their constituencies via the traditional goal setting exercise. Still, the formulation of these aims is not straightforward.
In the absence of clarity on what the future holds, we can look at the past to gather insights on what’s ahead. The current leadership crisis is comparable to the one that changed the face of the Western world in the 18th century. Back then, traditional forms of leadership were being challenged by decentralised knowledge production centres, and new ways to spread it, eventually leading to socio-economic changes that took decades to settle.
In those critical times, the Enlightenment gave birth to new leadership figures, such as the Honnêtes Hommes. In a context where access to information exploded, the essence of their leadership was not knowledge, but the ability to have conversations on any topic.
As such, the Honnêtes Hommes were valued for their openness to what was unknown to them, and to alternative perspectives on what they thought they knew, as well as the courtesy of their manners in engaging with both. They valued conversation for the fresh perspective it brought and the relationship it built in the process. Contrary to the aristocracy, their legitimacy was driven by their ability to branch out, be it through topics or crowds.
Yet, the Honnêtes Hommes were not only skilled conversationalists. They also had a worldview of their own. In other words, a non-normative organising principle that enabled them to engage with new ideas.
“Isn’t the whole concept rooted in a Western, and rather obviously male perspective?”, asked the Mouse.
It is fair to say that a feeling of legitimacy, and broadly speaking of security, is a prerequisite to taking part in conversations.
How to address this challenge is another – albeit very important – discussion. Yet, it sheds light on three requirements one could have for the modern-day Honnêtes Hommes.
The first requirement would be to avoid assuming who is legitimate to take part to a conversation. Indeed, who would you rather follow on social media: people who reinforce your worldview or people who think differently than you, should you even find them disrespectful?
The second requirement would be to consider that taking part in a conversation doesn’t necessarily mean being vocal. Reflections on allyship to underrepresented identities might be insightful.
The third one would be to reflect on a common criticism addressed to the Honnêtes Hommes as being ingenuine, for their social skills would value politeness over authenticity. Each one can decide when the right moment is to be vulnerable, and when a certain distance should be maintained not only to save face, but also to protect interlocutors.
In application of those principles, we would like to invite you to follow four conversations in 2023:
One about something you don’t know, to gain clarity on what matters to others and why.
One about something you care about, to increase the consistency of your contribution to that topic.
One with people you disagree with, to seek convergence on interests beyond opposite positions.
One about what it means to have conversations in the first place.
Most likely, the latter will lead you to technology, be it social media, artificial intelligence or the metaverse. Insights on all topics can help you take part to the conversations that matter to you more consciously.
After all, whether one calls it being an Honnête Homme or a good citizen doesn’t matter. In a world affected by multiple crises, being present to the ongoing conversations trumps being current, let alone being trendy.
Baptiste Raymond - 01/2023