It is Lonely at the Top
…But never as lonely as we think.
Leaders’ loneliness is well documented and something we perceive regularly through our work. Though our executive office and concierge services can help by design, no one can take away the mental charge that comes from being the person perceived as ultimately accountable for success, and even more so, for failure. However, we can still help by doing what we do best: reframing the challenges faced by leaders, in this case, by building upon a classic negotiation framework (see below).
Many leaders think of themselves as isolated from the people they lead. In that regard, they are influenced by traditional leadership models where leaders “lead from the front” or “sit at the top”. Such perspectives could be described as “positional”, whereby leadership is defined by setting targets and designing plans, with a responsibility to deliver. In a positional approach, leaders may seek role models to emulate, and take on the extra pressure to be exemplary.
Negotiation theory (and practice!) conveys that more value can be created when moving from a positional approach to an interest-based one. Applied to leadership, this means that leaders would not focus on defining a specific objective, but rather on the intended impact. In other words, they would focus on explaining the mission and allowing teams to adapt to evolving situations and moving targets. Shared interests are a strong basis for connection and networking. Indeed, industry or peer networks already contribute to resolving leaders’ loneliness in comforting, albeit superficial, ways.
However, we have observed that a deep-seated root of leaders’ loneliness stems from the fact that they bare a vision and need to rally people around it. If an interest-based approach is not enough to tackle more existential sources of loneliness, the negotiation framework can help by inviting leaders to identify with a community of values rather than a community of practice. Indeed, there is something inspiring in knowing that other people hold similar worldviews as our own, even if expressed in different ways or fields of endeavor. The same principle underlines the building of cathedrals: a leader can always choose between seeing herself as an artisan or as a cathedral builder.
“So how do you identify with a community of values?” Asked the Mouse.
Connecting with our community of values requires us to articulate a clear sense of purpose – for oneself or an organisation – and secondly to be able to identify with a group of people we don’t necessarily know, based on perceived shared values. It is a spiritual move, but also a paradoxical one, as connecting with their sense of purpose and ethical values in hope of breaking their loneliness may require leaders themselves to isolate.
Further conclusions can be inferred from this reframing:
Clarifying one’s or an organisation’s sense of purpose is not so much a moral imperative as it is a practical one, as leadership emerges as more secure.
Everyone can be a leader, if they think of leadership beyond positions and interests and take-on responsibility not only for their actions but also for the ethical principles that underline them.
In other words, if not “the boss”, one always has the possibility to be a “conscious leader”.
As a conscious leader, with whom do you connect?
Baptiste Raymond - 02/2022.